This is the first entry in the short story series I started in January. I hope you enjoy it!
Hi, hello? Is this pencil working? *scribble* *scribble* *scribble*. *scribbbbbllll…* SNAP!
Pencil Test Two: *scribble*, *scrobble*, *scribble*. Okay, this pencil is in working order. Sorry people who may or may not be reading this journal. If you are reading, I will find you and bite your head off.
Anyway… *clear throat,* I was saying that I broke my first pencil, and I had Tech Panda rush to get another one. Apparently, I was originally writing with a non-bear proof penc- SNAP! *Grrrrr.* My second pencil just snapped. I’m now on my third. I also just discovered that bear proof pencils don’t exist (yet…). So I will write lightly.
Okay, Back to Bear Business (My newest trademark). My name is King Bear. I am an extra grizzly bear and king of the most wonderful land on Earth: Animaland. I’m not really sure who named it (maybe I should have payed attention in my history classes…) but I could not have named this place any better; probably because this land is populated with animals, hence the name. Well, maybe I could have named it a bit better, as this land is not just populated with animals but with English-fluent animals. We are: an-thro-po-mor-phic… anthropomorphic. Sorry I wrote it twice. I had to sound it out first as Tech Panda just taught me the word. (Why am I writing this as if someone else will read it?) As I was saying, I would have probably named this land Supertalkinbearland. That sounds much better, don’t you think? Well, I do.
Anyway, Back to Bear Business (TM)… I think I’m a really great king, though others say I’m a whole bunch of different adjectives, all of which are wonderful. In fact, I’ll get the list of things people call me:
Prideful.
Nasty.
Mean.
Disrespectful.
Bad.
Ugly.
Selfish.
Greedy.
Disgusting.
Vicious.
Contemptible.
Unpleasant.
And Extra Ugly.
There are some more, but you get the idea…
A Note: I have trustworthy sources that these were all written on April Fools and Opposite Day, so these are actually good things said about me.
Hahhahh! Tech Panda just told me that we get comments like this every other day and that I tune them out! Ha! We all know kings are always right about things over other people, so don’t listen to him. (though, I do remember something I learned in world history about some British Parliament and Redcoats and stuff, but who cares?)
Anyway, more about me… I’m a pretty strong bear as I can not, not, not bench press 400 lb. I would demonstrate, but I don’t like to show off like the other bears around here. I’m also pretty large. I weigh over 1,000 lb. Which is large for a grizzly bear. This being one of the reasons why I’m extra grizzly.
Tech panda says I’m fat because I eat fish and chips (my favorite snack) wayyy too much. He is just jealous though as pandas are a lot smaller. I have mentioned Tech Panda a lot, so let me write some stuff about him (even though I’m the star of the show…err…book.) Tech panda is my most trusted scribe, advisor, and engineer. And I would never say this to him, but… I LOVE THE HECK OUTTA THAT GUY! HE’S THE BEST FRIEND A BEAR COULD EVER HAVE! *sob*. *clear throat.* I’m sorry, I just had to say that. I’m a very sensitive bear (but I do not get offended easily). Tech Panda has helped me in the most dire of situations. For example, on the day I befriended him, he had a grizzly bear-proof walkie-talkie that would not break when I would press the ‘talk’ button. That ended the emergency of, “The Bear Who Could Not Play With Walkie Talkies.” His invention actually saved him from a lifetime in the dungeon, but that’s a story for another time.
Pandas used to be looked down upon around here because we thought all they could do was eat bamboo and roll around, but really, we just never tried to see what their talents were. The pandas are really good at building stuff (especially with limited resources) and martial arts. Like- Oh no… I forgot something. Yesterday, I said I could easily beat Tech Panda in a sparring match. Buuut…
…I’m actually really scared of his fighting skills.
In fact, I think I’m gonna cry in my closet with my fish and chips to comfort me for about 15 minutes while writing my will. *sob* I’d better go before I get tears in my journal.
Well, if this ends up being the only journal entry, I died in the fight. Bye people-who-shall-never-find-my-journal-or-get-your-head-bitten-off.
- King Bear,
I/Don’t Know/What the Date is.
I hope you enjoyed the first story in the side-burstingly funny King Bear’s Journal series!
Yahweh bless!
